Monday, October 09, 2006

This just in: the world is 8000 years old

I was talking to this Pathan driver who was gonna drop me to the pub. Have you ever taken a ride with these guys? These people love to talk, when they're not listening to BBC Urdu. They're pretty cool actually. They never hustle you, never rob, steal, or cheat, they just drive these beat up crappy 80's hanging-by-a-thread type cars which they bought for 2 grand, and these cars have no seatbelt, and this musty smell that stinks like a fungus factory, but they charge you less than a goddamn Metro taxi. I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay 50 bucks for a trip to Media City just because I wanted to sleep half an hour more.

Anyways, the cool thing about these people, and why they rule more than you is this. They take 6 month vacations every year. Who among you can say that?! They might live in a shithole that has been bombed the fuck out by two superpowers in the last 25 years, but they take 6 month vacations!

Anyways, this old man asks me what I do, so I tell him that I work for an Internet company… He doesn't know what the Internet is, so I try to explain it to him. You see, it's a series of tubes... or something. I gave up when I realised I had no analogies that he'd understand. Later
on, he asked me if I was a Hindu. I said I was. And now the playing field was leveled. Now he could teach me a thing or two. And boy he did! So he said.. in chaste Urdu, which I am paraphrasing..

"Is Duniya me hum kyun hain? Humare aur jaanwar mein kya farak hai? Tumhe naukri, ghar, maa baap, behen, izzat, pyaar kisne diya? Yeh duniya kisne banaya? Yeh sab allah ka den hai. Is duniya ka har ek har tukda uska den hai."

(Why are we here? What makes us different from animals? Who gave you this job, house, mother, father, sister, respect, love? Who made this world? This is all Allah's gift to us. Every part of this world is his gift to us.)

So to asked him. How old is this world according to you?

He said 8000 years.
So I explained the theory of evolution to him. That we are no different from animals. That when you see a beautiful woman, you get a boner; because we are animals. That we came down from the trees 50,000 years ago, and stood upright, freed up our hands, and started thinking. We started thinking and using our brains, which is why they grew huge, and which is why we have women with big hips, which we as men love to hump. I told him the world is 4 billion years old, and that our basest motivations are in protecting our keep and furthering our genes. In Hindi.

I'm not sure he wanted to understand, or share my world view.. but maybe something got through?


Skullsalad said...


Supriya said...

.... RAWK 0N.

Maya2in1 said...

poor guy

anjana_ra said...

pathans are the best

RadhaKrishna said...

"I totally conquistadored his ass", I love this line.