Thursday, October 23, 2008

I throw an open internet challenge

"A 2006 report of the Swiss Banking Association claims Indians are the biggest depositors of black money in banks located in Switzerland."
Can anyone find this report?

It's getting too much play on the media lately.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Kuldip Nayar is an idiot.

What is Kuldip Nayar smoking? When a former Indian High Commissioner to the UK and a former Rajya Sabha MP starts writing columns like this, I don't know what to say...

Here's a quote from his column that had my uncle swearing civil war yesterday.

Since Switzerland maintains secret bank accounts, it is not possible for any intelligence agency, however resourceful, to trace the money. The account holders will have to do it themselves provided they feel the pain which their nation is going through. I do not know how much money is hidden by the Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Nepalese or the Sri Lankans. But the estimate about Indians is around $1.5 trillion (Dh5.5 trillion). Indeed, the figure is mind-boggling.

In the 2006 report on black money in Swiss banks, the Swiss Banking Association has put the deposits of five top countries as: India, the highest, with $1.456 trillion, Russia $470 billion, Britain $390 billion, Ukraine $100 billion and China $96 billion. If India's deposits were to be distributed, 450 million people would get Rs100,000.

The figure is so mindboggling to think of here that I can't help question the source of this figure. I googled for about half an hour for any verifiable, authoritative source, and I got nothing except half-assed websites with zero reputation, most of whom were regurgitating the same crap that they probably read somewhere else.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Matt Taibbi ownage

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/10/matt_taibbi_and_byron_york_but.html

Haven't seen such ownage in years..

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Nightmare on Wall Street



























































































































Kevin Hassett is senior fellow at the think tank American Enterprise Institute where he directs economic policy studies. He regularly appears on Bloomberg Television. He advised President Bush in his campaign, and he currently serves as a senior economic adviser to the John McCain 2008 presidential campaign.






Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Every gun that is made, every warship launched...

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities. It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population. It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals. It is some fifty miles of concrete pavement. We pay for a single fighter plane with a half million bushels of wheat. We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people. This is, I repeat, the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking. This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron

Monday, September 22, 2008

Context Sensitive Advertising


This new story is sure to get those conversion rates going for Max Insurance...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dear TRAI. Give us free Wi-Fi hotspots instead of Wi-Fi security tips

TRAI is planning to issue guidelines to ISPs regarding wireless security following the recent bomb blasts.

Importantly, following the 21 blasts in Ahmedabad on July 26 which killed 55 and injured 100, TRAI had asked the government to direct all Internet Service Providers (ISPs) to instruct their customers to have ‘proper authentication measures’ so that this facility is not misused. “All ISPs may be instructed to ensure that their subscribers using wireless devices must use effective authentication mechanisms and permit access to internet to only authorised persons using wireless devices,” the regulator said in its earlier communication to the DoT.

We live in a world where governments no longer have any control over the flow of money or information. Trying to stop terrorists from using communications technology is well futile, but the TRAI is going to have a good crack at it, nevermind if it makes everyone's life more miserable and paranoid.

This new regulation sends a different message from our government. They won't bother providing free public wireless hotspots, because you know, that would be too much to ask as a tax payer, and the terrorists might just use it to plan their next bomb attack!. As an added measure, they're also going to make sure you don't share your wireless connection with friends or family.

No matter how much infrastructure is put in place to track/monitor net users, the terrorists will simply just up their game. They could plan their next raid on an MMORPG, as this article points out.

"Could terrorists use Second Life? Sure, they can use anything. But is it a significant augmentation? That's not obvious. It's a scenario that an intelligence officer is duty-bound to consider. That's all."

I don't know how ISPs plan to enforce the whole thing, most likely they will create mechanisms to prevent home users from having a Wi-Fi network. As a recent migrant to Reliance Broadnet, I know they're evil enough to use this opportunity to limit the number of machines on a home network, or charge a premium for each machine on the wireless network at home.

If that happens, the Terrorists win. :(

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bad Lifestyle Choices: Bottled Water

I don't feel like regurgiating the talking points of this thread, but would like to add that I really dislike the trend of restaurants not offering plain water to customers anymore.

Every city worth its salt must have drinking water fountains and facilities so that citizens do not pay for bottled water. The system already has the means: piped water to distribute water all over the place, and bottled water is the most criminal waste of fuel and money. Please boycott any places that insist on serving you bottled water.

More stats and figures from this thread:

I. Bottled water is bad for the environment.

Earth Policy Institute estimated that to make the plastic for the bottles burns up something like 1.5 million barrels of oil, enough to power 100,000 cars for a year. Nearly 90 percent of the bottles are not recycled.

Gleick offered a simple way to visualize the average energy cost to make the plastic, process and fill the bottle, transport bottled water to market and then deal with the waste:

"It would be like filling up a quarter of every bottle with oil."

Link:

Corporations steal water from small communities and sell it at exorbitant prices.

"In addition to the strains bottled water puts on our ecosystem through its production and transport, the rapid growth in this industry means that water extraction is concentrated in communities where bottling plants are located," says the Earth Policy Institute Report.

"In India, for example, water extraction by Coca Cola for Dasani bottled water and other drinks has caused water shortages for over 50 villages.

"Similar problems have been reported in Texas and in the Great Lakes region of North America, where farmers, fishers, and others who depend on water for their livelihoods are suffering from concentrated water extraction as water tables drop quickly."[6]

The former chairman of Perrier, now part of Nestlé’s collection of more than 70 global bottled water brands, candidly stated: “It struck me…that all you had to do is take the water out of the ground and then sell it for more than the price of wine, milk, or, for that matter, oil.” 21

In Canada, Nestlé recently applied to the Ontario Ministry of the Environment for a 10–year extension on its permit to take water from the underground source of drinking water of the City of Guelph and Wellington County. The company wants to take more than 950,000 gallons per day, 365 days a year over five years. Nestlé already is hauling away almost 300,000 gallons per day of the region’s groundwater to be bottled and sold hundreds or thousands of miles away.22[7]


IV. Buying bottled water legitimizes the corporate world's efforts to commodify essential resources for human life.


This is the most important reason, to me anyway. I'm gonna go off for a second and fuck the links and quotes and reports and papers and just speak on this cause it's important.


When you buy bottled water, you're telling Coca Cola "Yes, I believe that I should pay for water, the most essential ingredient to all life on Earth." You're sending them a message that they can never go too far in their pursuit to fucking peddle their fucking wares no matter what.

Corporations will stop at nothing to sell you anything and everything possible. Clean drinking water should be a fucking basic human right, not an item to be pulled off the shelf and paraded around like an item to make you look health-conscious and chic. But because we stand by and let private entities steal our water and sell it back to us at ridiculous prices, they will pillage and plunder the resources of the world until there's no choice left but to pay 2 bucks a bottle for something that should be as free as air.






Wednesday, August 13, 2008

We are the champions

Vikrant Poojari is online.
Sriram: congrats dude


Vikrant: hey..
congrats for what..?


Sriram: we won a gold medal at the olympics
I think I will put it on my CV

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The most psychopathic corporations

Here's an abbreviated list of a very enjoyable thread: If you haven't seen the Corporation, I suggest you do that as well.


Also, the link to Smithfield Foods is one of the grossest reads ever.

Amway: Ran by rightwing fanatics, tries to legitimize other rightwing fanatics
Bayer: Was a part of IG Farben, sold HIV tainted drugs to Europe
Blackwater USA: Cons just about everyone they work for and hire. Frontline Piece
British East India Company: Too much.
Chiquita/United Fruit: Banana Republics
Congo Free State: Holy shit. Just, shit. No single sentence can do it justice. BBC Piece
CSC/ DynCorp: War profiteers, illegal sex trade, illegal drug trade
Custer Battles: Criminally incompetent war profiteers.
De Beers: Practically a worldwide diamond mafia Frontline Piece
Dow Chemical/Union Carbide: The Bhopal disaster
Enron: Price fixing and stole their employee's money.
Ford: Illegal toxic waste dumping, the Pinto scandal
IBM: Produced computers used by the Nazis during censuses, probably quite aware of what they intended
Dow Chemical: Responsibility in over 90 Superfund sites, The Bhopal disaster
IG Farben: Produced Zyklon B during the Holocaust, chemical weapons after
Nestlé: Price fixing, marketing baby formula to third world countries contributing to health problems, child labor, slave labor
Monsanto Company: Agent Orange, pollutes at rates that makes Captain Planet villians seem tame.Frontline Piece
Seimens: Used concentration camps as a source of slave labor, produced gas chambers during the Holocaust, responsible for a great deal of Nazi Germany's infrastructure
Shell Oil Company: Murdered Africans in the name of "energy exploration"
Smithfield Foods: Vast lagoons of pig shit. For more on other assorted evil fuckery, see the United Food and Commercial Workers International Union's article
Wal*Mart: Assorted mistreatment of works and other tomfoolery. Frontline Piece
WWASPS: Widespread child abuse and endangerment. Also its based in Utah

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Avial - India's best rock band

I'm not as prolific a music listener as some of my friends, but after going through the Avial album, I wholeheartedly back this claim by Srikanth of Kvltsite:

I'd easily put my money on this for the best thing that Indian Rock has produced till date. Great progressive musicianship with an amazing sense of melody and groove, awesome sound, solid production and the CD comes in a nicely done package.

Review: Avial - S/T

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Tata Indicom Plug2Surf: Field Test Reports

Three months ago when I left for India, I'd started believing in the friedmanesque notion that India had actually leapfrogged the digital divide by investing in wireless telecom technology.
It's like how Laloo is praised for making the Indian railways profitable, but no one complains about the god awful smell, because it's such a part and parcel of Indian railways.
So you've got a shiny new technology that looks good on paper, but that doesn't matter, as I was about to find out in an endeavour that I call wake up and smell the bullshit

Because it was the only alternative to Reliance, which has rather aggressive and shady billing practices, (including a strap-on fee for cancellation and returning the wireless instrument), I decided to go with Tata Indicom.

The Plug to Surf modem, which I now lovingly refer to as "Piece of Shit" cost me Rs 3000. It's a clever ruse to keep you hooked to their service, because if you spend three grand on a modem, you're sure to at least give the service three months, just to get some value out of that POS

I'm on the third month, so I'll do my best to give a qualified review of the POS service.

Places where the POS somewhat:
Mumbai, Maharashtra.
Kodaikanal, Tamil Nadu.

Places where the POS zero had network coverage:
Vattakanal - Tamil Nadu
Amby Valley City - Maharashtra
Lonavala - Maharashtra.

Places where Jhaata had good signal coverage, but poor net connectivity:
Alibaug - Maharashtra.

I was told by a friend that CDMA does not have the range of GSM, it's perhaps why the Plug2Surf service sucks so much. All you hope for with a thing like this is for it to work in places where leisure and good air can be had, but you get the very opposite.

In terms of speed, it's probably a little faster than dial up at best, but speeds fluctuate wildly, so don't be surprised if you find yourself in front of the browser for over an hour just to book a flight ticket, or worse, a train ticket on irctc.com. Sometimes the connection might not transfer a byte for well over 10-15 minutes, so you'll have to disconnect and connect again. Hopefully you'll
not get the dreaded error 721 (the remote computer did not respond)., as I did for several days.

The dialer software absolutely sucks. Either you get five bars, or you get none. So you have no realistic way of telling whether you'll have a good signal unless you have a Tata Indicom phone around.

The Plug2surf modem has very poor build quality - it sticks out a bit, so there's bound to be a shallow knock or two. The first one loosened it, the second one just broke it. I had to get it re-soldered, and when I examined its construction I was appalled at how the entire weight falls on the connecting pins. Why would anyone make a device like this any less rugged than a swiss knife? Perhaps because service centres would make more money that way?

I haven't tried calling support, because there are enough nightmarish reports on that, and I hope this service dies a fiery horrible death. I have hopes for BSNL's EVDO technology - which is technologically superior, but assheaded at the present.

BSNL has decided to launch its Data Services on CDMA 2000 IX by using BSNL Internet Connect Card (ICC). The CDMA IX ICC will provide Internet Service @144kbps to computer users on their laptops as well as on desktops. This service will be available in all those locations wherever CDMA IX MSC based coverage is there. However, during roaming the said Internet connectivity will not work at present.


I wish I had a way to show you all how much MB I've transferred over the last three months, but the dialer's logs are not hosted online, but on the client. As a recent survivor of a hard disk crash, you'll have to take my word that I got about 400 MB for the 6 grand I got billed, so that comes to about 15 rs per MB.

Based on my experiences, I'm compelled to add Tata's Plug2surf to the Horror Service Hall of Fame. It's one of the most worthless networks in terms of reach, uptime, and speed. Like this guy says - it's the costliest dialup you will pay for.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Cafegadgets.in's 100% cashback offer - Read the fine print!

I was really elated to hear about a 100% cashback offer from an Indian dotcom, Cafegadets.in, which seemed like a legit operation.

"The company claims that everyone making a purchase on CafeGadgets till June 15 is sure to get a gift voucher of the same amount that they spend. The customer can redeem his voucher on his next purchase on CafeGadgets within 1 month of purchase subject to certain terms and conditions. For example, if a customer buys a mobile phone worth Rs. 5000, he will get a gift voucher worth Rs. 5000 redeemable on his next purchase on cafegadgets.in, which is to be made within the next 1 month of purchase."

Sounds like an awesome deal right? Me and a friend thought we'd go two way on a Viewsonic monitor, work it down to half the price.

Here's what a good friend dug out for me though:

6. Buy any item of Rs. X amount on cafegadgets. CG Cash-Back Voucher entitles the owner to a discount of Rs. X on a minimum value of Rs. 5X on next purchase.

This basically comes up to a 16% discount on your total purchases.

9. Cafegadgets.in reserves the absolute right to withdraw and / or alter any of the terms and conditions of this 100% Cash Back Promotion at any time without giving any notice.

Hmm.. Maybe not.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Richard Dawkins: Beware The Believers



My name is D to the I to C to the K, Yeah I'm the Dickie D,
I gots my phd and comin' your way on the youtube to bust your world view
so just listen to me and don't you argue.

You see, this battle's been ragin' since Zeus was on the bottle,
between Science like Democritus and Faith like Aristotle,
who said the mover wasn't movin' like some magic trick but
that's no good logic, my posse is far too quick for this
religious sthick.

Cos science is the only way to know y'all,
you stand with me y'all,
or you can fall y'all so go ahead and take your pick.

ES: Yeah you tell him Rick ...
Darwin : Cos if you don't know me ...

RD: YOU DON'T KNOW DICK!!

Chorus : Yeah he's the Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!
Yeah he's the Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!

SH:On the shoulders of midgets we built up this machine,
DD:YEAH!!!
RD:Silence that watch... Paley
Growing stronger and harder almost daily, storming wilber by force as we framed the discourse until the science split in schismatic divorce then Darwin took to the seas to see what no one had seen, and ever since then we've been increasingly keen, they may never adore us, but they'll no longer ignore us, give it to 'em PZ hit these BLEEP with the chorus!!!

Chorus : Yeah he's the Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!
The Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's still smarter than you he studied biology!


Then there was Darrow dukin' it out with the straight and the narrow a ragin' bull in the ring, he did his thing, and took it on the chin like he was bobby de niro.
We might have lost at Scopes, beaten down by the dopes, and the stooges of popes, but in losin' we coped, becomin' more than we hoped, creationists slipped on the soap of their own slippery slope, what was impossible, improbable, is now wholly unstoppable .... the creationst foldup you hate us talking bull, don't you know that this Dick BLEEP frickin' unblockable ...

Chorus : Yeah he's the Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!
The Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's still smarter than you he studied biology!

Now the machine of our making, sees culture ripe for the taking Cos I'm the rapper thats rappin the .... unlike the Catholic, Muslim or even the Jew, believes that no God but science could ever be true, hell if I was dyslexic I'd even hate "dog" too.

Time to open your eyes, get yourself wise, the age of science has arised to be religions demise, and while you turkeys all cry, shouting why God oh why, I'll still be poppin' my collar earning my dollars in Allah.

Chorus : Yeah he's the Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!
The Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's still smarter than you he studied biology!

Chorus : Yeah he's the Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!
The Dick to the Doc to the phd,
he's still smarter than you he studied biology!
Source: http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/03/if_you_heard_my_voice_you_know.php

Monday, March 10, 2008

Monday, March 03, 2008

A fortnight at the oscars

I'm off nicotine and caffeine because of a migraine that's drilling away at my skull - without my daily fix of coffee and ciggies, my hands feel heavy, so I'll keep this brief.

My ratings for the following academy award nominated movies:

No End in Sight -3/5
Juno – 1/5
Michael Clayton – 4/5
The Counterfeiters (Austria) in German – 4/5
Katyń (Poland) in Polish – 2/5
Mongol (Kazakhstan) - 2/5
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford – 3/5
The Golden Compass – 1/5
There Will Be Blood - 5/5

Of all these movies, only one warrants talking about in my fragile state - Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood. It stars Daniel Day Lewis as Daniel Plainview, and is one of the best character portraits since Robert De Niro did Raging Bull.

It's a period movie - centered around the early 19'th century, when oil was being discovered in America. The movie follows the rise of Daniel Plainview - who starts off as a miner, and ends up as an oil tycoon. By no means is this a cakewalk - it calls for treachery, artifice, and cunning, all of which Daniel has in spades.

By no means is this a personal struggle story like The Pursuit of Happyness - Daniel Plainview adopts a sweet faced kid so he can embed family values in his sales pitch, and exploits the ignorance of landowners who underestimate the value of oil beneath them. While drunk, he admits to his half-brother that he has a competitive streak and hates seeing other people happy. This isn't a guy you'd wanna root for, but you do.

Eli Sunday, the other heavyweight in the movie has a con-game too, he's an evangelical preacher for the Church of the Third Revelation, the only impediment to Daniel's will to power. The final showdown between Plainview and his nemesis - Eli Sunday is hilarious, morbid, and epic.

A final note on the sound effects of the movie; even on my computer speakers they sounded pretty eerie, and should be mindblowing on the big screen.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Teri Maa Ki!


So. Harbhajan has been acquitted of racism charges, and the scribes at cricinfo have generated tremendous amounts of content over what must have been a non-issue. ICC is going for damage-control, but I consider this a wasted opportunity.

Harbhajan should be fined for being unfunny. Sledging is a part of cricket's glorious history, and has generated many witty anectodes and trivia.

Maybe they can introduce this into the Twenty20 version of the game, where they have special pre-match sledging round. The concept will be similar to the Yo Momma series on MTV and will be aptly called Teri Maa Ki!. To get rid of any ambiguity, both the chosen sledgers will be given mics hooked up to the stadium speakers.

The sledging will not influence the outcome of the match but will generate a compendium of witty anecdotes and comebacks -

Symonds : "Your momma is so stupid, she's proud that you have a bowling average of 130 in this match."

Harbhajan: "You are so ugly, monkeys took offense to our last exchange."

Symonds : "Your dad is so stupid, he thinks a reverse-swinger is a euphemism for faggot."

Harbhajan: "Your momma is so stupid, she thinks googly is a search engine."

etcetera.

The match referee - I nominate Geoff Boycott because he made a lot of my momma jokes himself, would have to judge the best sledger and give him the best Trash-Talker award. The match referee will deduct points for any racist taunts made as they're usually not funny. Like Yo-Momma, the winner will win cash-money.

ICL should seriously consider doing this, now that they're going to be pulverized by IPL.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Offensive Fair and Lovely Ad Scripts

Arundhati Roy writes about India's class struggle:

“It also has its own tragedies, its own environmental issues (parking problems, urban air pollution); its own class struggles. An organisation called Youth for Equality, for example, has taken up the issue of Reservations, because it feels upper castes are discriminated against by India’s pulverised lower castes.

“It has its own people’s movements and candle-light vigils (Justice for Jessica, the model who was shot in a bar) and even its own People’s Car (the Wagon for the Volks launched by the Tata Group recently). It even has its own dreams that take the form of TV advertisements in which Indian CEOs (smeared with Fair & Lovely Face Cream, Men’s) buy over international corporations, including an imaginary East India Company.

“They are ushered into their plush new offices by fawning white women (who look as though they’re longing to be laid, the final prize of conquest) and applauding white men, ready to make way for the new kings. Meanwhile, the crowd in the stadium roars to its feet (with credit cards in its pockets) chanting ‘India! India!’”

After reading the last two paragraphs, I immediately ctrl-tabbed a window to check this ad out on youtube, only to realize I'd been had. I'd confused pastiche for journalism, but really, is any plot device taboo for Fair and Lovely? Have a look at this:


And this:


Not to be outdone by the likes of Arundhati Roy, I wanted to make a script for a Fair and Lovely ad that better embraced the zeitgeist while being a hundred times more offensive. With a little help from my friends, I have the following:

Script 1)
A young Dalit schoolkid with polio wants to play Cricket in the school grounds, but the upper caste kids bully him around and laugh at his disability. He is not allowed to play.

Our boy hangs his head in shame and walks home, [cut to] where his sister gives him a 5 rupee sachet of Fair and Lovely Fairness Cream.

A week later, Dalit boy becomes fairer than his peers, and thanks to his radiant skin and hyperextensible polio arm, he throws such a curve ball that [cut to:] him all grown up and fair and handsome, playing for the Indian cricket team.

[Cut to]: Australia needs 6 runs to win the Match, Symonds is batting. He is bowled around his legs, the stadium erupts. Our Dalit naujawan runs up to an exasperated Symonds and delivers the punch line, along with a sachet:
"Tum bhi Fair and Lovely Apnao. Kyunke Har Bandar ke Andar ek Sikandar Hota Hai"

[Cut to:] Sister who chimes in with "Har Caste ke liye Cost Effective hai"

Script 2)
A young aspiring rocker wants to join famous goth band (Demonstealer), only problem is he is dark. Band members insult him and send him away, coz rap is for blacks not rock

Young rocker goes home and listens to his Megadeth record...angry again plays in the background.. His sister comes to him and says "Dont get angry, get fair & lovely!"

Background music changes to a rocker discovers fair and lovely..turns goth-white within a week

Goes for the auditions and blows everyone else out of the water. [Cut to:] Young rocker singing at IIT Livewire as headlining act. He sings Aryan Again to the tune of Megadeth's Angry Again.

Script 3:
28 year old software Engineer from Chennai creates profile on Orkut: Sends friend requests to every girl in his area, office and every cutie that shared a desk with him through school/college.

Girls check out his profile picture, repulsed by his "dark" looks, they refuse to accept his friend request.

Down on luck with no chance of getting laid, he chances upon a fair and lovely ad while watching "midnight masala" on Sun TV

Reluctantly he goes to the local baniya, and hesitatingly asks for a ..fair...and lovely...like he is asking for a pack of condoms from that old "Moods" condom ad.

He runs home with it, like he's discovered the fountain of youth and immediately applies it.

[Cut To] Local photo studio, where apna engineer is getting pictures clicked on a bike. Photographer says, "Lagta hai flash ki to zaroorat nahi hai"

With new profile pic uploaded on orkut, women start sending him friendship requests [cut to:] "You have 300 friend requests!" - Says the computer screen to his utter disbelief!

Our hero is overwhelmed!!!!

Cut to...Our hero walking on the beach with a girl in hand, clutching a tube of....you guessed it..Fair and lovely!

Script 4:

A young Indra Nooyi finds her career going nowhere at Pepsi. All she is used for is comparison tests with the colour of the bestselling cola with random firangs saying "It needs to be about two shades lighter than Indeeera."

Vikram Pandit at Citi is in similar dire straits and finds he is in demand only on 'DiverCiti @ Citi' photos are being taken.

While watching Rang De Basanti, they suddenly remember Fair & Lovely an evil racist product they'd spend much of their youth protesting against. 'What if it really works?' they ask themselves in a Brian De Palma-esque split screen.

After a few weeks of smearing the gunk on their faces, they notice the white people around them including their bosses, starting to turn black: a skin colour change accompanied by speaking in ebonics, spending all their time being stoned and shiftless, and pelvic thrusting random people on the street a la Evil Peter Parker in Spiderman 3.

Soon they live up to F&L NRI's brand promise, cleverly cadged from Rin - Whiter Than White. They've become as Gods or Independent Light Sources that blind people with their brilliance through the bare act of stepping into a room. Cut to product shots with "Out of the darkness, brighter than a thousand suns" by Iron Maiden playing.


Credits: Script 2 and 3 to Ashwin Salian. Script 4 to Hathyasaibaba.

If you've got any ideas, pls contribute.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Interview with an invest banker



Hilarious skit that might soothe the wounds of today's market crash.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

One of the greatest rants of all time



Brooker takes down modern aspirational TV.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Indian protestors are quite media savvy

I find it really hilarious that Steve Bucknor will be umpiring the third test, considering the shitstorm that has erupted over the previous test. Everyone's taken a big dump, and wiped their collective asses clean on the poor chap.


Here again you can see racism rear its ugly head - or should I say ass? Color coordinated donkeys, now that's new.

Wonder what Mike Procter has to say about this.

(edit: he's not umpiring anymore)